I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
