Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
