Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
