I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Four minutes until I can fart!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
