her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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