Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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