Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he shaved USA in his pubs
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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