yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm bleeding and have questions
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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