i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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