it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
