jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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