so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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