Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
