You're so nebulous sometimes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
