I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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