We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
