I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
