I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
