Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
