you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
