took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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