Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
