wakey wakey hands off snakey
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
