how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
