i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
