Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
