I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
