I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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