I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
