I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
