I've blown a few things in my day
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
