No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
