I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
