yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
