I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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