Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
