ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
