we're chasing vodka with high fives
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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