so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
