So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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