I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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