I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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