i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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