btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
