'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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