so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
