we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
