cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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