Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
