Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
