just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
