We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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