dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
